Sunday, February 18, 2007

DO YOU LOOK BACKWARDS FOR A LAST LINGERING LOOK OR FACE RESOLUTELY FORWARD

A photograph I took of my Great Grandparents house, they lived here when the 1901 census was taken.


Friday, was the end of an era for me. The last bags and cartons were taken out of my Mother's old flat. My son brought them in a van to the cottage where my husband stacked them all over the barn and the house so I can sort through them in peace. Anyone want to cook meals in a kitchen with a large Scandanavian Birch Wardrobe in the middle? [It will be moved upstairs shortly]. I stayed at the flat to hoover the carpets and check all cupboards etc. My son will go up today and get rid of the zillions bags of rubbish and that's that. So Friday, was the last time I would be at the flat, and probably, I will have no reason to be visiting that area of the town again.

In only eighteen years there has been a lot of drama, happiness and sadness enacted in that flat. No wonder buildings seem to hold residues of happenings. Will someone see one night shadowy glimmers of my father moving from room to room, or even the rest of us, I sometimes think that these residues are not always of people who have died. Maybe we all leave a sort of image on surroundings like an old negative of a photograph

My Mother standing at the front door of my Grandparents 1920 Semi. This photograph would be about 1950

So, how did I leave for the final time, as I leave everywhere for the last time, not with a long lingering look backwards through a car window, but resolutely facing forward, the building already locked in my head as a memory. The way my life has been, thinking of the houses I have lived in, there are only two that I have ever passed by again. They were both on the way to my mother's old flat, so now no reason to see them again. When my mother was in respite care before Christmas, the bus went through an area I lived most of my childhood in, and I had never been that close to my old house for 34 years. With being on a bus I began feeling disorientated as I approached what would have been my old bus stop, would find myself trying to stand up to get off the bus. How deeply ingrained in my psyche must that stop have been. I nver gave in to the temptation to view my old house.

I have some friends who were my next door neighbours years ago, and at one point they just moved house to the other end of the road. I remember thinking how very strange having to pass your old house everyday and see what people were doing to it.

The two old houses of my own that I passed on the way to my mum's old flat were the one I was born in and lived the first two years of my life. It is a house that features a lot in my dreams. We moved out when my parents managed to get a new house of their own. Houses were in very short supply after the baby boom of post war years, and there was a huge building programme started and it took time for houses to be completed for people to live in. Even after moving I was constantly visiting that house of my grandparents. It has always been my favourite house. I feel sad when I used to pass it by, it was a beauiful semi-detached house built to a high standard after World War One, and my grandfather was the proud purchaser of it, it had front, side and rear gardens and I loved it. The people that bought it in 1973 covered the front in the most unappealing plastic faux stone cladding that quite spoilt the art deco look of the house. I cringe and feel sad when I pass it.

Me, in the vegetable garden of my Grandparent's Semi, see what I mean about unusually large gardens.

The other house I pass is one we lived in with the children, now this one doesn't bother me at all, I never liked it, it was what I called a rebound house. We came up from Manchester and the house we were buying fell through and had to search quickly for an alternative , we found the rebound house. I thought we might be able to do things with it, but more and more flaws became apparent in it. I hardly turn to look at it as I pass it. Now not returning to that area, I won't be passing them again. Another house I lived in as a teenager no longer exists, it was demolished to make way for an out of town retail park.

The houses that feature most in my dreams are my grandparent's house, and my brand new house of early childhood, plus a house I have never been inside in reality, my great grandparents house. I have seen the outside it was a substantial semi-detached Edwardian Villa, with an enormously long front garden and drive and a garden, kitchen garden, greenhouses and a paddock behind. I often dream about wandering round this house, and my mother tells me that I have got the layout completely correct, isn't that a strange thing?

My other Great Grandparents substantial Edwardian semi-detached villa. Just look at that fantaastic garden. The window that is open is apparently the drawing room.

The cottage I live in now, I remember over the years going on the road through the village on the way to Newcastle and thinking this looks like a nice place to live, never dreaming we would end up here. There are another two houses I have dreamt of quite a few times but I have no idea where there are or what they are. I think one of them is something to do with one of my children, it is a large flat in a city and we find these hidden rooms above it with some beautiful furniture stored in. The other house I just know the inside of and that many renovations are being done in it.

I never forget houses I have lived in or even enjoyed renting for holidays, I store them safely in my mind. How does anyone else feel about houses they have lived in and the leaving of houses where events in their life occurred?

Remember, a couple of postings ago when I wrote about these rather odd overalls children were put out to play in in the early 1950's well here are my friend and I modelling them. You know which is me, yes the one with the closed eyes, of course.

I have not been able to find photographs of some of my houses, one or two I know I don't have any of, but somewhere in this pile of bags I am sorting are many more photographs of my other houses. I will post them when I find them. All the time I am sorting I am finding weird and wonderful photographs, which bit by bit I will post.

Just to close, take a look above that's a very slim me in 1978 with my son, then 10 weeks old sitting on my knee. I have forgotten how dark my hair was, that's actually its natural colour when I was younger. It wasn't often that colour though. It is big curly perm for big hair time, obviously!!!!

This photograph was taken with one of those Kodak disc cameras, anyone remember them? Your negatives came back on a circular wheel. I have noticed that the colour quality of the photographs taken with this camera have deteriorated quite badly, they have all gone this strange pinkish hue.



20 comments:

tlchang said...

Houses can hold so many attachments and memories. The house that stands out the most in my memory belonged to my Grandparents in Virginia. It was a 100 yr old farmhouse with acres of fields and outbuildings, lots of gardens and lots of animals. I've even written poetry about that one.

I loved the photo of your gr.grandparents house. It looks amazing. Having a greenhouse has always been a dream of mine.

But my VERY favorite house is a fictional one - the one featured in the movie "Practical Magic". It is a crazy Victorian with towers, conservatories, gardens, and greenhouses right on the water of Puget Sound (my neck of the woods). I was really disappointed when I discovered it was just a shell built just for the movie...

Tinker said...

Yes, I still dream often about the house I grew up in, that my mother lived in till she passed. It's hard for me to pass it and see someone else living there - the last time I did, I saw they had cut down the extremely tall pine tree in front, that my mom and her brothers planted there when they were kids. Sometimes I wonder if the people who live there now, see me visiting there in my dreams and think that I'm a ghost, lol.
Sometimes I dream of finding extra rooms in our house - it would be nice if those dreams would come true - we could use the extra room!
Love the photo of you and your son. Though I didn't have a disc camera, just some sort of a brownie-type, the photos we have from the 70's seem to have a pinkish tinge as well - I almost wonder if it wasn't some type of emulsion that was used just during that decade.
Thanks for another wonderful post! xo

Miss Robyn said...

oh Daisy, that home of your great grandparents! I have never been to England, but I know that house! I do!
I think we leave our prints on all the places we live - that is why new homes don't seem to have a soul. My present home is a gorgeous spiritual place, it likes me.. so does the resident spirit...
this post made me a little sad - I don't like closure... it hurts my heart for some reason.
I just cannot believe how similar you & I are in many ways...

gma said...

Daisy....Houses have been a prominent theme in my dreams through the tears.....wonder why?
The picture of you and your son is
very cute it's pink because in the 70's we had our rose colored glasses on.:-)

Janet said...

I have missed visiting your blog but I'm feeling better and trying to catch up.
I enjoyed this post very much. I've always thought houses kept imprints of the people who lived there before....some houses feel sad no matter what you do while others feel cheerful and happy for no apparent reason. I loved the photos of you in the overalls and you and your son....and the one of your Great-Grandparent's house is beauftul.

Suzie Q said...

What a wonderful post, Daisy. So very thought-provoking, and I may have to write a post about old houses I've lived in - one day! ;)
My word, your great-grandparents must have been landed gentry, with a house like that. Superb! :)
The pictures of you are gorgeous, those little chubby cheeks, and then the one of you with your baby son..aaah! All my photo's from the same time have that same tinge to them, and I well remember those disc cameras! Hard to believe how much things have moved on since then..
Great to see you, and to read this lovely post :)
Hugs, Suze xXx

Beth said...

What a wonderful post and great photos. I know your glad to be finished moving your mom. I loved the house of your great-grandparents, it looked so wonderful. I haven't seen my old childhoodhome in years. Love the photo of you and your son,,I have a lot of pinkish tinge pics like that too!

Carole Burant said...

I so enjoyed seeing all your pictures...such wonderful gardens they had! When I was still living at home, we moved 5 times...2 of the houses I go by maybe once a year and the other 3 I drive by quite often. My dad built all of these houses so they will always mean a lot to me and when I drive by them, I remember which room was my bedroom, the memories behind each house, etc. I don't really feel sad about them, but it just makes me miss my dad that much more. xoxo

J C said...

Loved your post Daisy. Your words and thoughts reach into one's heart. The pictures are grand. Thanks for sharing wonderful memories.

KaiBlue said...

such lovely homes you've lived in over the years..
Part of your heart belongs to a structure that's sheltered you, kept your memories, good and bad, happy and sad..
You are lucky to have such amazing pickies of your homes. :) Thanks so much for sharing!!!
PEace n hugs xx
Kai

Lila Rostenberg said...

I've moved many times...mostly as a child, and those homes are not re-visited often in my memories.
The home we owned in an older area of Little Rock (1920's is "old and historic" to us!) often recurs in my dreams...I was home with the children and mistress of the house!I enjoyed the high ceilngs, hardwoood floors and french doors...lots of windows and light!
In my dreams I am often back there again, finding new undiscovered rooms....which I interpret as undiscovered parts of my psyche.
I love the rosie photo of you and your son...weren't we all so cute back then!?

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

Yes, I do believe houses hold all those memories and feelings. When Jack and I pass an old abandoned homestead, we can't help but wonder what joys and sorrows that old place could tell us.

Annie Jeffries said...

Hi Daisy, trying again here. I loved reading this yesterday and it got me to thinking about all the places I've lived as we moved quite a lot too. Then I saw that beautiful picture of you with your eldest. I have one like that too. I think that must be a universal pose of young moms with the first child all filled with wonder and surprise and peace.

Naturegirl said...

Daisy I am travelling but ~posting~ and catching up. You have wonderful childhood memories that will always be stored in your mind and heart.Those were wonderful photos of your grandparents home and I loved your baby photos! The closure you experience I too faced not too long ago with my own mother.
I read this recently in someones blog..I wrote it in my journal and I share with you...

~~the mirrors of the heart reflects sweet memories which never part."~~ hugs NG

ready to pretend said...

It seems for me that houses often became more alive that the occupants and that I puddle up at the mere thought of how the light would come in through which window at a particulat time of day. I could walk through any of them blindfolded today.
I hope that I have left a little shadow in my wake but more I strive that this one house that I have raised my children in becomes the happiest of memories for them.
You have a wonderful touch with your musings. Janet

Tea said...

Oh Daisy! Your Grandparents house was amazing! Your post is wonderful as is that picture of you and your sone :)
I`ve been living where I am for 20 yeard this spring. So many memories are here, both happy and sad. And even though it has the draw backs of not quite enough rooms and no basement due to wetland I would find it extremely hard to leave. So much of me is here.
Looking forward, moving forward, like the Chariot card in the tarot, without glancing side to side or backwards is hard to do sometimes. But I think as well, that aside from the meloncoly feeling, memories can be a very special thing to hold onto.
Glad you`re back up and running. Computers can be such a pain at times.

tea
xo

Tea said...

I think I should check where my fingers landed on the keys next time!

tea
xo

Rosie said...

That was a wonderful post, I enjoyed reading it and looking at the photographs. I particularly remember the first house we lived in. It was 8th down in a long terrace with two steps up to the front door,it had a long hallway with stairs and rooms off which led to the back kitchen and scullery and out into a walled garden at the back. I have so many memories of this house - too many for here - my father died when I was 5 years old and we left soon after. I went to find it once but the whole street had been demolished - to make way for a hospital car park.

couragetocreatewriteandlove said...

See why I gave you the word "wisdom".
I enjoyed your post very much and every single picture too. You are a fantastic storyteller. I am so glad Sweet Pea love the game and made you so happy, too.
Did I say how pretty you look with your son? You do, Thank you for sharing that picture with us, I am always trying to imagine you now I have a clearer vision of you. LOL

Pear tree cottage! said...

Daisy L,
I am deeply touched by this post of yours, deeply.

The photos of the old home and your grandparents, why I am sure they look upon you this very moment with pride and smiles on their faces for the person you are and have become. They would not expect you to look back as I am sure your mother and father would not wish you too either.

I am always moved by your posts.
blessings
Lee-ann